Learn to say thank you rather than avoid a compliment

You wouldn’t think it would be hard to receive a compliment, but something about the process seems to escape a lot of people. Instead of graceful acceptance, the recipient of a compliment will sometimes revert to a negative rebuttal to whatever nice thing was said. Maybe you feel that the compliment was not accurate, or exaggerated, and that you therefore don’t deserve the recognition? (“Oh, I didn’t really do that much…”). Maybe you don’t feel comfortable calling attention to yourself? (“Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on this morning, it’s not that great…”). Whatever the reason, it’s not a very nice thing to do, to yourself or to the person who offered a sincere compliment.

Perhaps it’s human nature to think that you aren’t worthy of praise? Certainly, most people think they could have done better or been better than the reality of the situation. Why are we so hard on ourselves, though? The pursuit of progress and not perfection is crucial to our development and happiness. Instead of beating ourselves up for not being worthy of a compliment, why not accept with gratitude and appreciation, and strive to continue moving forward?

So it’s definitely not nice to yourself to refute a compliment like that. It’s also not too friendly to the person who innocently offered those kind words to you. Talk about negative reinforcement! If I get my head bitten off when I try to say something nice to you, how likely am I to make that attempt again? Even if you think a compliment was (perhaps) not deserved, a simple shift in perspective to think about the feelings of the person who in all likelihood was just trying to be nice can help you form a more graceful response. Also, by not discouraging compliments with your reactions, you will most likely get more practice in receiving compliments (because you receive more!).

The first President Bush talked about a kinder, gentler America, and those words sometimes came back to haunt him. Truly, though, if we aim for a kinder and gentler experience, then we will be nicer to ourselves and more willing to accept the appreciation of others. If we remember the golden rule and treat people the way we would like to be treated, we will cultivate friendly thankful responses to compliments. So, remember to stay mindful of the value of giving and receiving compliments with grace.

1. How To Give A Compliment Sincerely
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