How To Develop A Positive Attitude

Eliminate gloom and develop the get-up-and-go mentality without worrying about bullies. In fact, here’s how to make them your allies.

It’s a natural law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So, it makes sense that as you start to make changes in your life and develop a positive attitude, some people may not like it. In fact, developing a positive attitude is bound to bring about some flack from bullies who are unhappy with their own lives and resent the fact that you’re making positive changes in yours.

Some bullies will attack you head on. “You don’t deserve a promotion.” “So what if you lost weight, you’ll just gain it back.” Others try subtle forms of sabotage. “Let’s take a liquid lunch…don’t worry, the boss will never know.” “Oh, go ahead, eat that fudge. You can work it off later.” However they come at you, it’s important to know how to turn bullies into allies as you make positive changes in your life.

First, resolve not to respond to the bully’s provocations nor blame the bully for your decisions. No one can talk you into doing something that isn’t good for you-it’s always your choice in the end. The bully may try to make you feel inferior or sabotage you, but he or she will not succeed without your consent.

Next, turn your new positive attitude on the would-be bully. Try to look past the characteristics that annoy you and identify his or her good qualities. If you don’t see any at first, look harder. Everyone has at least a few positive qualities. Perhaps the bully is persistent, or intelligent, or knows the system better than anyone else. These are all strengths that can work in your favor, provided you’re able to harness them.

When you interact with bullies, don’t stoop to their level. Instead, encourage them to rise to your level by treating them as human beings with value. Take the bully who says you didn’t deserve your promotion, for instance. Instead of responding in kind by saying something like, “Well, you’ll certainly never get a promotion, you’re the worst employee here,” try a more conciliatory response: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ve always admired how well you know the company. I hope we’ll be able to work well together and that I’ll eventually show you that I deserve my job.” It’s hard to remain hostile in the face of that kind of positive response!

Another tactic that can help turn a bully into an ally is to share credit when you do work successfully together. You don’t have to downplay your own part in a successful project, of course, but if the would-be bully helped make the assignment a success, be sure to praise his or her performance. Most bullies are people without good self-esteem. They crave positive strokes and will often give their loyalty to people who offer a well-deserved pat on the back.

Developing a positive attitude takes determination and the willingness to make difficult changes in your life. Once you’ve made the effort to make those changes and your new positive attitude is in place, it can be devastating to run into a bully who tries to force you to change back into your old self-but remember that you have control over how you will respond to the situation, and that bullies can be won over and become valuable allies!